Leap Kick

Oops, She Did It Again (and again and again) Now please stop...

2006-12-12T02:04:00.000-07:00

Ah, how things change... It used to be that when I would tell someone, "Golly, Miss Britney Spears is as comely as an autumn sunrise" they would enthusiastically reply, You bet! She's the cat's pajamas! Methinks I'd endeavor to court the bonnie lass. Thou must maketh haste to render fitting niceties, forsooth!

--There is a small chance that the "guy talk" was slightly misquoted in the previous section--

But now it seems that she has become a joke. The sad, scary kind of joke, that is. In fact when I say I still like Britney people pat me on the back encouragingly and say, "Really? It's okay; things will get better for you." Then they take me out for ice cream and a new bike...
In fact things are reportedly so bad that even Bette Midler is pulling no punches when she *ahem* "conjectures harshly regarding Ms. Spears' promiscuity." Yikes. How out-of-control do you have to be to have Bette Midler attacking you?!? Not only that but rumor has it that even Paris Hilton has pulled Spears aside and said, "Yeah... Girl, you really need to tone it down..." I will stay far, far away from Fed-Ex's babies' momma; she's Toxic!

Editors Note: For the visual, I didn't have time to wade through thousands of web pages to find a picture of Ms. Spears fully clothed, so my Britney will wear a Napoleon Dynamite shirt. Behold:

Conductive Rambling

2006-04-24T23:39:00.000-06:00

Dear Sarah,

Thank you for the pot. You're such a great sister! I just wanted to voice my appreciation and publicly acknowledge your actions. It makes me hungry just taking it out of the drawer! Since I got my first delivery free, does this mean I will have to pay from now on? Regardless, I need more! I swear I'm addicted now... So let me know if you get any more in stock...

Love,
Mark

Behold! The pot in question: serving up some al dente pasta I made with pesto from my mother's garden!

UPDATE: I had some minor problems with my computer (nothing that cursing at it didn't not fix!) and since it wouldn't recognize my CF Drive, I couldn't post the second picture which was the whole point of the post! Without it, the tone was totally different (read: not funny), but running low on time, I posted it omitted picture and all! Well, now all is well and the post is complete, late, and now pointless. My work is done...

It Pains Me To Say This!

2006-04-09T18:07:00.000-06:00

These phrases need to die. NOW:

"We make going to the dentist fun again!" (you know, back when their instruments were designed for ripping...)

"Come rediscover the wonders of the Renaissance!" (like the plague!)

"The most comfortable exam room possible" (besides my room with you not there?)

Note: This photo is probably copyrighted and was not taken by me. This should be obvious since the image is in focus and there's no vomit in the frame...

SaRob at Starbucks

2006-03-30T00:15:00.000-07:00

Here's a great picture of Rob and Sarah at Starbucks before we visited the Body Worlds (2) exibit at the Denver Museum. Unfortunately we were not allowed pictures inside the exibit. Obviously, this disrupted my plans of choreographing still-life (no pun intended) fight scenes with the displays, to which I'd lose to.

For historical accuracy (and because no one took a picture of me despite how pretty I am) I have drawn myself into this picture. Try to picture us all together, and me glowing less.

Here Sarah has apparantly slipped a roofie into Rob's latte. It was very sweet of her to watch over him as he slumped drowsily to the floor...

All in all, it was a fun experience. If you have a chance, be sure and see any of the three body worlds displays, they are fascinating...

The Ugly Stick

2006-03-27T22:24:00.000-07:00

Hey Tony,

Have you every marveled at the beauty of a nighttime cityscape, only to be repelled by the squalid reality after a closer look? So anyways, that's why I didn't wear my glasses on my date with your sister; I thought this would be the most appropriate way to tell you...

Word Cloud

2006-02-01T18:02:00.000-07:00

I stole the idea of this post from inimitable Cool Cucumber. I had to change it once since for some reason my first cloud had "Hitler" displayed prominently in bold right in the middle of the image! Enjoy the wierdness...

Leap Splat

2006-01-31T03:59:00.000-07:00

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain...

Things To Do In Denver When You're Deadly

2006-01-06T02:57:00.000-07:00

an ode to the witless drivers of this city:

Veer from lane to lane with impunity
Signal less often than the French shower
Try to top any accident you see by slowing, turning your head, and subsequently turning off the small part of your brain that was previously functioning
Focus on your cell phone, the radio, the steering wheel cover, the odd-looking family member next to you, your cuticles; anything but the road, your mirrors, or cars around you
Slow down, or better yet, stop on the onramp to busy highways
Speed up, pass (especially on the right!), and then narrowly squeeze your careening metal coffin back in front of that loser going 0-5 miles over the limit to rightfully prove you're just so much better than them
Tailgate as close as possible, especially at high speeds; anything more than 2 inches is lost time on your commute
Keep in mind that the drivers around you are well aware of your intentions and what you will do next, so take advantage of this and drive as sporadically as possible
Wait until the last possible moment to brake; this also sends an appropriate message to the school bus driver in front of you who didn't adhere to the 2-inch rule
Remember that traffic lights will stay on indefinitely, so follow on the heels of the car in front of you regardless of heavy traffic; obviously people don't drive on the intersecting road anyway
When you are are done with the above, drive your car just past the line on the shoulder of a highway and park it, but be sure your hazards are off and you didn't accidentally leave any reflective signs or markings behind

Signal you fools!
Thank you for reading my rant...

UPDATE: "This is my first blog..."

2005-12-30T21:14:00.000-07:00

Just so nobody's left on the edge of their seat, let me summarize the conclusion to my "I'm hungry" quandary: I did indeed eat Carl's Jr. (CJ: please send me a "lifetime free" certificate!) and the guacamole bacon burger was delicious... Also, does Blogger delete blogs for being completely and utterly irrelevent to life, everything and anything as well as for wasting their bandwidth for no good reason?

2005-12-30T14:15:00.000-07:00

My new gravatar

2005-12-30T13:45:00.000-07:00

This is my first blog... let's see, what's on my mind? Why doesn't Blogger let you type in Comic Sans? I'm hungry. Maybe I'll get some Carl's Jr... I hope I don't get fat eating all this food during the holidays... I resolve to start running and working out again after the new year (when all the food occasions are over!). Will I make it? check back and find out...